My daughter recently turned 16. I’m pretty laid back about things but the other day when she said she was ready to get her driving permit it hit me that she was really at that stage in her life. She needed several things to take with her to the DMV; her birth certificate, her social security card and a paper stating she is enrolled in school. Well, she did her part to get her school info but I kept dragging my feet getting her other documents. My mind started racing… What would she do if those documents just happened to be “lost.” Now I am not the type of mother to manipulate my daughter but it did run through my mind. What if the document thing didn’t pan out though….. what would be next? What would I stoop to?
I’ve made my list-16 ways to keep my daughter off of the road…
- Tell her that all licensed drivers must spend a two year stint of public service driving daycare vans – and then top it off with horror stories of vomit and stinky diapers
- Give her the keys to the car- a set from the lost and found at Wal-mart that belong to someone else and then look at her like she is crazy when she says they don’t work
- Tell her when she loses the next tooth the tooth fairy will give her a key under her pillow… sometimes vanity is beautiful
- Sell the cars- I can do without
- Tell her that I fibbed about her actual birthdate and she is still only 14.
- When she asks to take the car, I will respond, “No hablo ingles”
- Paint her bedroom windows black… she’ll sleep for months
- Duct tape pool noodles all over the car … for safety… again, sometimes vanity is beautiful
- Tell her that there is a warrant for her arrest and going to get her license might land her in jail
- Everytime she mentions driving I will scream a B movie horror scream….I’m thinking Pavlov’s Dog, you know.. conditioning will kick in eventually
- Have a group of actors storm the house and tell her she won the teen publishers house sweepstakes… she is so rich she can afford a limo with driver
- Super glue the car doors shut
- Explain the new family tradition where the youngest qualified driver now purchases all gas for all family vehicles as well as washes all cars on Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays and buys dinner on Friday nights…
- Everytime she mentions the words drive, I will respond with “Dive? You want to dive?”
- Tell her she must learn to drive a stick shift before she can take her driving test
- And the one that I know will work for sure…. give her the minivan
4Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Okay, I’m not going to lie to my daughter… and I will take her this week to get her permit….I don’t want to exasperate her….. but I can stock up on pool noodles and get an enormous bow for the minivan
Sometimes we parents have to be creative.