I totally know now why there is no book about the anxieties of parenting… Well, I guess there could be a book about it and I would never know, because I am a parent and don’t have time to read anything other than notes from the schools and a 2nd grade reading book with my daughter … But I’m pretty sure that there is a gap between the books of how to have great kids/how to be a great parent and how to fix your kids/how to fix poor parenting. But I decided the other day, while sitting in the Driver’s License Testing area waiting for my daughter, that it is my time to shine… fill that void in the book world, write my book and pack my bags because Oprah will be booking me soon..
Writing a parenting book… Not just any parenting book, but a book about parenting that will change the world because all of the secret things that people conveniently forget to tell you will be revealed. I know you may be asking what qualifications I have to write such a book and my answer would be … “None.” Nope, no qualifications at all. In fact, my pen name will be Unqualified Mom….but that’s not the point. I just decided that writing a parenting book would easily be a top seller without much effort…. here’s why…
First of all, I don’t know one single parent who has time to sit down and truly read a parenting book. Now maybe when you are expecting your first child … or maybe when you are expecting your second child and the first one is in school or napping, but if you have more than two kids I can pretty much guarantee a parenting book becomes nothing more than prop to even out a wobbly table.
Secondly, parents want to be good at what they do so and if nothing else, they want to look like they know what they are doing… possibly even create an intimidation factor for the kids, so they will load up the book shelves with parenting books that would impress any grandparent. Therefore, a parenting best seller need nothing more than an appealing title and an eye catching cover…. maybe even an interchangeable cover to match any decor. It could be filled with substance but if it sells just because of the outer images, then why bother…
While sitting in the driver’s license testing center waiting for my daughter to take her road test the other day, I tossed a few book titles around in my head…. “Parenting for the Book Smart” (I’m pretty sure Parenting for Dummies is taken) … no……..”Have a New Kid by the End of this Book or Decide not to Have Kids by the End of this Book”….. no…….. “Kids…. Who knew?”….. no….. then finally… the one that Oprah will promote… ” The Parenting Code (Momma Never Told You but I Will)”.
This was the winner because of the gimmick factor and also the great possibility that Oprah would actually probably expect me to answer some questions about it…. so, for those who are parents and are truly wanting to read a parenting book (I still don’t think it is possible), I will add a bit of parenting wisdom and it won’t really matter what I say because it will totally in code form. (I figure if you have time to read it then you will have time to figure out the code.) The code will make it seem more intellectual and mysterious… taking it totally to the number one spot on the New York times list.
The little tidbits of wisdom I give will be all about those little things no one told you about being a parent because if they did then, just like the Shakers (Google it), civilization would die… yes, you read that correctly… if people were told about all of the sleepless nights, the anxieties, the worries, etc then there would be no procreation… so my wisdom would enlighten many and help them deal with the realities of the parenting life.
All of this came to mind that day because, try as someone may have to tell me to expect this, it just sank at that moment ……that as they grow and spread their wings and fly into adulthood you still ache when they ache, rejoice when they rejoice, and would fight tooth and nail to keep them safe…. Though the idea of a more convenient daily routine was enticing, I still think I would be okay driving her around for a few more years, but it was not to be. Despite forgetting to turn on the ignition during her driving test, my daughter passed the road test and is now a licensed driver.
I was told that life would never be the same again.. (See if you can figure out the code in that sentence)
So this is the only qualification I have to write a parenting book on the “silent code” to keep civilization booming… I am a parent and I always will be… no matter how old they are. ….Now that I think about it though, I would hate to be the cause of the end of civilization. So therefore, maybe I should focus on the “Parenting for the Book Smart.”
And for the record, my daughter got her license last Tuesday….. And she totaled the van last Wednesday. So I am definitely qualified!
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”.
The Prodygal Life 