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The sinister plot …. and we are in it….

If you have been following along for awhile you may be aware that I enjoy a superhero every now and then… particularly those with off the wall powers….you know,  like the ability to clear up misunderstandings or the ability to translate for a drive-thru restaurant speaker…I’ve been wondering about something for the last two days… maybe not wondering outwardly but inwardly… I’ve seen adults acting differently and children behaving in an manner out of the ordinary….I have felt if maybe there was some kind of an evil plot against people.. some force to be reckoned with…..some evil super villain with an evil plan…… Eventhough, I don’t necessarily believe that there is a evil super villain lurking through Kentucky, it did make me think and I put on my superhero creating cap and thought about the brilliant evil plan of a super villain….

Let me begin by sharing what would be my sinister plot if I just happened to be a super villain for once….. though it would require a great deal of patience, over time it would bring doom to those who opposed me and I would have complete control… This is my sinister plan-

daylightraI would:

  • make people so grumpy (particularly children) that no one could possibly get along … creating  a plan for mass distraction… everyone would be frustrated, angry or not talking to each other, so no one would be able to work together to create a defense against me
  • make children detest rest and sleep by staying up later and not relaxing as normal…  they will no longer be able to learn at their full potential… as they grow their intelligence will be iffy
  • make workers, particularly those of odd hours, also detest rest and relaxation so their productivity will decrease… causing low self esteem and output..and eventually creating apathy and a loyalty to me as my words of encouragement will seem sincere.
  • allow more play time for children (incredibly sneaky way of causing divisiveness between parents and their offspring leading to disrespect and discipline issues)
  • allow more play time for adults (another incredibly sneaky way of causing divisiveness between co-workers, spouses, etc)
  • allow farmers and others in an outdoor working field more time at their jobs so they can be overworked and very tired … too tired to fight when the day is through…..
  • create mass confusion by tricking adults into believing that they are on time to work, church, etc, only to really be late- causing stress related health issues..(high blood pressure, anxiety attacks, etc)
  • cause commercial travel delays and stand stills… again working on the stress related health issues

Now you might be wondering how to accomplish this mighty task… It is extremely simple… All I will do is tell people that for the good of the economy, energy savings and just for fun we must all extend the daylight in our lives by an hour.  My plan will also tell them that they will eventually get that hour back later in the year but the reality will be that their human nature will not give them that hour back because they will stay up later because they think they have an extra hour…

It is brilliant!  Brilliant! I tell you!  Bwahahahaha!!!!

What?  It’s already been done?

Darn you blasted Spring Forward Daylight Saving Time!

Now I don’t get to wear my fancy super villain suit….. it was perfect.  The blues represented the night and  day skies… the star was my secret way of making people think that they would still see stars…. The skin color was to originally represent the tan of one who is in the sun for a longer period of time but since we are talking me… my skin color would be a bright shade of burnt red… and then to top it off.. I won’t even get to use the evil name of Daylightra…

Oh well, since the evil plot of Daylight Saving Time is already happening maybe I should focus on the creation of a superhero who can add an hour of sleep to everyone’s day without shortening the day… Maybe he would be called Captain 25 Hours!

Today I did read about what it means to be on the side of good though… not in Superhero terms but in spiritual terms.. In Deuteronomy 7, God is leading the Israelites into the land that He promised them… and in doing so they are fearful of those that they will have to move out of the way.  God tells them that to remember that by following the laws he has laid out for them He will do incredible things and they won’t have to worry… Why would we even want to flirt with evil when we know the power behind the Creator God?  The opposition of God will always lose… those are the facts…no more super villain ideas for me….

Deuteronomy 7

17 You may say to yourselves, “These nations are stronger than we are. How can we drive them out?” 18 But do not be afraid of them; remember well what the LORD your God did to Pharaoh and to all Egypt. 19 You saw with your own eyes the great trials, the miraculous signs and wonders, the mighty hand and outstretched arm, with which the LORD your God brought you out. The LORD your God will do the same to all the peoples you now fear. 20 Moreover, the LORD your God will send the hornet among them until even the survivors who hide from you have perished. 21 Do not be terrified by them, for the LORD your God, who is among you, is a great and awesome God. 22 The LORD your God will drive out those nations before you, little by little. You will not be allowed to eliminate them all at once, or the wild animals will multiply around you. 23 But the LORD your God will deliver them over to you, throwing them into great confusion until they are destroyed. 24 He will give their kings into your hand, and you will wipe out their names from under heaven. No one will be able to stand up against you; you will destroy them. 25 The images of their gods you are to burn in the fire. Do not covet the silver and gold on them, and do not take it for yourselves, or you will be ensnared by it, for it is detestable to the LORD your God. 26 Do not bring a detestable thing into your house or you, like it, will be set apart for destruction. Utterly abhor and detest it, for it is set apart for destruction.

(By the way… take note of verse 23.. I’m wondering it was ancient Daylight Saving Time that caused the confusion… I’m just saying….)

 
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Posted by on March 9, 2009 in Devotions, Faith, Fun

 

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Pride vs. PRIDE…… will the real jerk please stand up…

In the past few days I’ve had to do some dealing with pride…. I think there are two different kinds of pride- the first kind of pride is the standard definition of pride… something to the tune of the “quality of being proud” or “a reasonable self respect.”  When I have worked hard at something and it meets the goals that were created there can definitely be a sense of pride in a job well done.  I’m not so sure that there is anything wrong with that … But there is also the other definition of P.R.I.D.E.  –

Personal

Respect

In

Doses

Exceeding

(Necessity)

I suppose maybe that is more likely PRIDE(N) but you get the picture… this is the kind of pride that gets us into trouble … this is the kind of pride that keeps us from allowing ourselves to be humble… this is the kind of pride that is not only dangerous but can be hurtful… this is the kind of pride that make us look foolish in the end anyway…

My daily reading led me to the story of Balaam and his donkey. (Numbers 22:21-24)

The story in a nutshell is about Balaam on his way to visit Balak who thinks Balaam will place a curse on the Israelites for him.  On the road, Balaam’s donkey suddenly takes off into a field.  He gets so upset at her behavior that he beats her and she gets back up on the road.  Then the next thing the donkey does is as they are passing through a walled area she pushes Balaam’s leg up against the wall and again he gets upset and beats her. Finally the donkey just stops and lays down… again, Balaam(seems like such a pleasant guy)takes his frustrations out on her.  This time, little miss donkey has had enough and turns around and asks Balaam (yes, she spoke) why he keeps hitting her.  He said he was embarassed (his pride was hurt) because she was making him look like a fool in front of others who were supposed to respect him.  Little did Balaam know that his faithful donkey was only protecting him from an angel that the Lord had sent that would have probably killed him and Balaam finally sees the angel and is so sorry for his actions.

So all of this takes place and I noticed something… The writer of this acts as if a donkey speaking is a natural thing.   There are no double takes from Balaam and his traveling crew, nor are there any out of control screams of horror or even laughter… there is nothing.  So here is my take on this… Balaam was so focused on his pride and looking like a fool that he forgot he was conversing with a donkey…and I’m pretty sure looked pretty foolish anyway..

Yep, that is the way PRIDE(N) works… or at least in my life… I focus on what I don’t want others to see because it may embarrass me only to find myself talking to a donkey I end up looking foolish anyway.  There are times I don’t ask others for help and it haunts me later…

Are you experiencing PRIDE(N)?  Balaam saw what he had done wrong… and he was sorry…. me too.


Numbers 22:21-34

21 Balaam got up in the morning, saddled his donkey and went with the princes of Moab. 22 But God was very angry when he went, and the angel of the LORD stood in the road to oppose him. Balaam was riding on his donkey, and his two servants were with him. 23 When the donkey saw the angel of the LORD standing in the road with a drawn sword in his hand, she turned off the road into a field. Balaam beat her to get her back on the road.

24 Then the angel of the LORD stood in a narrow path between two vineyards, with walls on both sides. 25 When the donkey saw the angel of the LORD, she pressed close to the wall, crushing Balaam’s foot against it. So he beat her again.

26 Then the angel of the LORD moved on ahead and stood in a narrow place where there was no room to turn, either to the right or to the left. 27 When the donkey saw the angel of the LORD, she lay down under Balaam, and he was angry and beat her with his staff. 28 Then the LORD opened the donkey’s mouth, and she said to Balaam, “What have I done to you to make you beat me these three times?”

29 Balaam answered the donkey, “You have made a fool of me! If I had a sword in my hand, I would kill you right now.”

30 The donkey said to Balaam, “Am I not your own donkey, which you have always ridden, to this day? Have I been in the habit of doing this to you?”
“No,” he said.

31 Then the LORD opened Balaam’s eyes, and he saw the angel of the LORD standing in the road with his sword drawn. So he bowed low and fell facedown.

32 The angel of the LORD asked him, “Why have you beaten your donkey these three times? I have come here to oppose you because your path is a reckless one before me. [i] 33 The donkey saw me and turned away from me these three times. If she had not turned away, I would certainly have killed you by now, but I would have spared her.”

34 Balaam said to the angel of the LORD, “I have sinned. I did not realize you were standing in the road to oppose me. Now if you are displeased, I will go back.”



 
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Posted by on March 4, 2009 in Devotions, Faith, Fun, Life Stories

 

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16 Ways to Keep My 16 year-old Off of the Road

My daughter recently turned 16.   I’m pretty laid back about things but the other day when she said she was ready to get her driving permit it hit me that she was really at that stage in her life.  She needed several things to take with her to the DMV; her birth certificate, her social security card and a paper stating she is enrolled in school. Well, she did her part to get her school info but I kept dragging my feet getting her other documents.  My mind started racing… What would she do if those documents just happened to be “lost.”  Now I am not the type of mother to manipulate my daughter but it did run through my mind.  What if the document thing didn’t pan out though….. what would be next?  What would I stoop to?

I’ve made my list-16 ways to keep my daughter off of the road…

  1. Tell her that all licensed drivers must spend a two year stint of public service driving daycare vans – and then top it off with horror stories of vomit and stinky diapers
  2. Give her the keys to the car-  a set from the lost and found at Wal-mart that belong to someone else and then look at her like she is crazy when she says they don’t work
  3. Tell her when she loses the next tooth the tooth fairy will give her a key under her pillow… sometimes vanity is beautiful
  4. Sell the cars- I can do without
  5. Tell her that I fibbed about her actual birthdate and she is still only 14.temporary-poster-1
  6. When she asks to take the car, I will respond, “No hablo ingles”
  7. Paint her bedroom windows black… she’ll sleep for months
  8. Duct tape pool noodles all over the car … for safety… again, sometimes vanity is beautiful
  9. Tell her that there is a warrant for her arrest and going to get her license might land her in jail
  10. Everytime she mentions driving I will scream a B movie horror scream….I’m thinking Pavlov’s Dog, you know.. conditioning will kick in eventually
  11. Have a group of actors storm the house and tell her she won the teen publishers house sweepstakes… she is so rich she can afford a limo with driver
  12. Super glue the car doors shut
  13. Explain the new family tradition where the youngest qualified driver now purchases all gas for all family vehicles as well as washes all cars on Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays and buys dinner on Friday nights…
  14. Everytime she mentions the words drive, I will respond with “Dive? You want to dive?”
  15. Tell her she must learn to drive a stick shift before she can take her driving test
  16. And the one that I know will work for sure…. give her the minivan

Ephesians 6:4

4Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Okay, I’m not going to lie to my daughter… and I will take her this week to get her permit….I don’t want to exasperate her….. but I can stock up on pool noodles and get an enormous bow for the minivan

Sometimes we parents have to be creative.

 
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Posted by on February 9, 2009 in Fun, Life Stories

 

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Squirrel Appreciation Day

I found out today that beginning nine years ago, January 21st marks the annual Squirrel Appreciation Day.  I don’t know that I have ever appreciated a squirrel.  Hmmm….I’m not even sure I know how to appreciate a squirrel.   Baby squirrels are pretty cute… well, after they get some hair …   Is that appreciation?  There I said it… I appreciate baby squirrels.  Now what do I do?  Chocolates? A card?  baby-squirrel

 
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Posted by on January 22, 2009 in Fun

 

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“Buster”

Sometimes I crack myself up.   You know when you say something funny and even if others don’t get it you find it incredibly humorous?  Maybe you can relate.

Last night I had a good laugh in the car. It has been quite some time since I have been in high school and on occasion I see people who haven’t seen me for years. Some recognize me, others don’t. I stopped the other night to get a Diet Coke on my way home from church and as I walked in the store I recognized a guy whom I had known in school. We might have had a class or been in a school club together and we both had sport and school faculty connections but we didn’t really hang out with the same crowd.  I can’t say we were truly friends but more like good acquaintances.

Anyway, being the socially sanguine person that I am not, I bypassed him and made my way to the drink cooler.  I kept one eye on the cooler and one eye on the counter.  He was still in line.  It is not that I didn’t want to be friendly but I just didn’t want to go through the whole process of awkward chit-chat which I have experienced before.  So I peered over the Little Debbies to see if he was gone, and I don’t know what the man in front of him was doing but it was taking forever and he was still there waiting.

I was tired of looking and waiting so I moseyed over to take my place in line behind “Buster” (Not his actual name… really).  I began feeling a bit uncomfortable because I felt like such a jerk not saying anything and the guy in front of him was still doing what he was doing that was taking forever……..So I very quietly, just in case it wasn’t him, mumbled a soft, “Buster”.  I could tell that he had heard me because he slightly looked to his right and scouted to see who said his name but then turned back around.   So, I upped my volume a tiny bit and uttered, “Buster,” one more time.  This time he turned around completely to see if someone was saying his name.  When he turned he obviously didn’t recognize me so rather than be offended I decided it was time to have some fun.   I quietly said his name again and when he looked around I just happened to be looking the other way. And then again and again…………Okay, I didn’t really do that… the second time I said his name I also made a point to grab his sleeve.  He really didn’t recognize me but when I reintroduced myself he was actually pretty friendly.

He left.  I got back into my car and on the way home I began thinking about that whole “how funny it could have been” situation… I chuckled pretty much all the way home.

Who’s calling your name?  Has it been too long? Would you recognize the voice?

“He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out.” John 10:3b (NIV)

 
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Posted by on January 20, 2009 in Devotions, Faith, Fun

 

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